After discussing Faith in God and Commitment to Marriage in my post Marriage Necessities 1 & 2, I bring you number 3:
3 Commitment to each other
Faith in God and/or commitment to marriage can sustain a marriage. Either of them will do if your goal is to simply stay married.
But neither of these encourage engagement. They don't require anything of the individuals involved except adherence to rules. And a marriage between to disengaged rule followers can never be healthy, happy, passionate and fruitful.
A healthy marriage requires commitment to each other. It's not enough to commit to marriage, you have to commit to the PERSON you're married too. And this is where most marriages fail because it's hard.
It's hard to set aside our ambitions, desires and needs for another person. Never mind the fact that we rarely ever end up truly giving them up, but it does require that level of selflessness. You have to be committed to the other person and their ambitions, desires and needs.
And that is the magic of marriage. When you get beyond the "I'm married because I believe it's important to God" and the "I'll stay married because it's the right thing to do" you run headlong into the "I have to live with this person. Everyday. Forever."
And the only way to make that work is to grow inside. Open up. Let it out. Risk rejection. Ask questions. Listen. Answer questions truthfully. Do it all again. And again. This time more, deeper and more real.
Keep going.
And in the process you change. You become relational. Engaged. More whole. And you are better for it. And so is your spouse.
And so is our world.
--to be continued --
3 Commitment to each other
Faith in God and/or commitment to marriage can sustain a marriage. Either of them will do if your goal is to simply stay married.
But neither of these encourage engagement. They don't require anything of the individuals involved except adherence to rules. And a marriage between to disengaged rule followers can never be healthy, happy, passionate and fruitful.
A healthy marriage requires commitment to each other. It's not enough to commit to marriage, you have to commit to the PERSON you're married too. And this is where most marriages fail because it's hard.
It's hard to set aside our ambitions, desires and needs for another person. Never mind the fact that we rarely ever end up truly giving them up, but it does require that level of selflessness. You have to be committed to the other person and their ambitions, desires and needs.
And that is the magic of marriage. When you get beyond the "I'm married because I believe it's important to God" and the "I'll stay married because it's the right thing to do" you run headlong into the "I have to live with this person. Everyday. Forever."
And the only way to make that work is to grow inside. Open up. Let it out. Risk rejection. Ask questions. Listen. Answer questions truthfully. Do it all again. And again. This time more, deeper and more real.
Keep going.
And in the process you change. You become relational. Engaged. More whole. And you are better for it. And so is your spouse.
And so is our world.
--to be continued --
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